To have and not

it is sometime a challenge
to keep my mouth closed
and my hands idle
when sitting alone,
remembering
you.

it is difficult,
fending off
the unrequited feelings
that live inside
and to know
there is a gap.

it is hard
to have you
in my hand
and in my arms
and then
to not.

if I knew the spell
to cast
to become the prince
you seek
or to secure
your affections for me
I would cast it
but such potions
and incantations
are not
within my vocabulary.

and so
I lament
and hope
that if not you
someone
much
akin.

The only problem
being
that I already know
of your skin,
your soul,
your love.

I already know
what it is
to be your man.

I have
already
feasted
upon your pleasure
and the delight
you placed
very literally
in the palm
of my hand.

I have
already been
all you asked
even if not yet
all
I dared.

You came to me
like rain
in a drought
or the last meal
for a condemned man.

The problem
is that
I fell
in love
and was once more
destroyed
while prostrate
on bloody knees
and hands.

Those wiser,
crazier,
better
than I
have already recorded
the destruction
and despair
let loose
seemingly so easily
from the hand
of a woman
intrigued
yet reserved
and hidden.

Others
have said it
and will say it
better
than I.

Nevertheless…

to be broken-
hearted
is a weighty pain,

a common madness,

a singularly
destructive
torture…

no matter
who
I am.